Gomene~Ryu-kun~...

Knowing Longlongz going to study in America~ I’ve alwez tried to prepare myself for this day will come. I wannabe strong~ I have to make sure that everything’s gonna be okay~ I wanna try my best to make him happy~ instead I HURT him even more. I’m so sorry Longlong~!! I didn’t mean it~!!!

Being broke meanz no pressie for em~ Juz a self made card at 1st~ til sabby came. I really really thank sabby for helping me making cookies for him!~ the cookies turned out to be such a big deal!

Imagine how happy and bersemangat I was being able to make something for him to eat &…….. imagine how deadly hurt I was when he told me he cant bring the food with him on the plane. He only managed to took a bite., then went off. Bcoz of that, I started to break down~...

I knew he was in peer pressure~ nervous and sad~ knowing that his time have finally come~ and he have to leave his family and everyone else. I should have understand~! N I asked him to eat the cookies?? Like he had the appetite~?! I cried & went mnyamal~ I didn’t even look at him when he was about to go~ Why did I do that?? N there was even once wen my anger strikez~ Allah~.. I never thought I would react that way.. Im now asking for forgiveness from everyone for my behavior yesterday.

Itz really nice to know that hilmi, mahirah & rhyme were there beside me to calm me down & think reasonably~.. Itz hard in a situation like that~ U tend to be emotional & unreasonable~ Itz becoz of the LOVE is it?? He’s leaving for 4 years~!! I tried so hard to smile~& be strong~.. & now im saying that the reason I cried is becoz of the cookies??? I didn’t even made it myself! All I did is to follow sabby’z instruction & do as she said~

On the very last minute~ I did manage to go to longlong pulang~..fuh! Sampat jua buat our friendship (?) handshake haha~.. When Longlong left, I gave his mum one of the cookies~& told her about it. She said it was nice n I started to burst in tears again~ yah, we hugged~ She made me feel a lot lot better.

Longlong~ It’ll be a year until the next time we meet~.. I hope itz not gonna be rilli hard~ I hope we’ll alwez be in contact~ I hope thingz will never change~.. I’ve make sure we can work out this distant relationship~.. for there will never be anyone else but him :) haha. We’ll see.

~.. Las week Youth Day~ *_*

2 Aug 2007~ A day i would never forget actually~ unpredictable tingz happened~ the picz - derz nothin' der.

BDAC~....

As a member of AiDZ Council for 5 years~ i still do not have d responsibility heheh~...

Derz something bitter~

Someting sweet~

How did it happened?

Who noez??~......

~

Im sick & tired of this feeling~ The feeling of loneliness~..somehow~.. Eversince I got into UBD? I miss my friends~.. Haha~ as if they’re not in UBD~ macam tah terjumpa~ HardyHarHar~.. Sigh~.

It has been so long~ ever since i felt so glad to be at home~ it totally brings back that Stprian feelingz~ so LIFELESS~!!! I CANT TAKE THIS~!! AND~ IM STILL IN BRUNEI???

Every time I arrived home~ I plopped onto my bed facing the ceiling~ & started to wonder~ what were the thingz I’ve been doin’ that made me really tired ani kan? The walk? The talk?~ Not just that, sometingz missing~ someonez missing~ Some of those ppl im totally in love with~ my bestfriendz~ sigh, if only they could join me in UBD oso~

Der were doz tymz~ I imagined their presence there~ haha *Kachian jua eh*~ but yah seriously~ I MISS THEM SO MUCH~!! Especially Hadee’z annoying sarcastic behaviour!!! Haha~ same goes to Ipin~his silliness~ & I miss Zai~ her sweet personality~ & Longlong~ as loving as ever~ & Zoel~ who alwez care. Sigh~ Well~.. Im so happy to know Mahirah & Suhailla are in UBD for now tho~ juz that~ L we’re taking different courses~! Pyah kan cari dorang~! & dey’re busy wit their own thing now~..

“Im on my own now~..”

Why do I have to keep thinkin’ that way? I do have some of my friends with me~ Maybe itz juz not the same~ Is it the fact I hang out with girls only?? Yah~ I got some really big problem here~ im more comfortable with guy friends~ WHY IS THAT??~ Man, bertapa seksanya di Stpri~ rasakan latup wa~!! With girls, I tend to be really malu~ I donno why~ their sensitivity?? I mean~ with Guyz~~ kan malu? TERKARANG~!! Haha~ well, certain guys saja~ :P I still keep on wondering all this years~ TOMBOY??

People said itz a funny thing to think that way~ IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME??~ Some people just jumped into a conclusion that~ maybe im a LESBIAN because of my love for Zai~ haha~ IM NOT~! I just love her so much thatz all. Haha~ everyone thinks so tho~ I don’t care~!! IM STRAIGHT, thatz one thing for sure~

I asked my guy friends what they think of me~ I can be so~girly~, I can be tomboy~, I can be really childish~ n n~ umm awkay, all that. My behavior change with different people~ “A girl with many faces”~ which is totally not good~.. Nah, I don’t tink ppl would agree with that.

Hmm~ how do I describe myself anyway~? Hehehe~ ‘perempuan yang nda tau malu’~ What the heck, ‘perempuan yang nda tau malu~ ytah orang yang paling bahagia tu~’~ I think I’ve been saying this many timez oredi~ :P *APAKAN?*

Yes~.. Im juz bored~.. *_*

Guess diz personal survey took a lot of space~ wat the heck, my blog - stil av my ryt 2 do anyting i want~
* . . About You . . *
Eye Color::	~..boreng~! *o*
Hair Color::	~..boreng oso~!! *o*
Height::	~Aduh, i donno :P 142cm 6 yearz ago lol
Favorite Color::	Anyting that blend wit BLACK
Screen Name::	~..nani?
Favorite Band::	Hahah~ I don think i have 1 :P
Favorite Movie::	Any horror movies would do :D Oh oh~ i noe.. THE SIMPSONS!!
Favorite Show::	I don watch tv much nowadayz :(
Your Car::	Mitsubishi~ wlupun buruk udah olehku~ I still love her :) ~ so much~..
Your Hometown::	Brunei~ so peaceful~
Your Present Town::	~.. still in Brunei yo~
Your Crushes First Name::	WAT??
Your Grade::	Undergraduate udah~waa~...
Your Style::	ANTAM
* . . Have You Ever . . *
Sat on your rooftop?:	~so nice up there~ :) Not wen itz hot!!
Kissed someone in the rain?:	Wow~ romantic jua~!
Danced in a public place?:	Haha~ love 2 do dat evrytym excited :P Cant help it
Smiled for no reason?:	I daydream a lot ya noe~!
Laughed so hard you cried?:	Ndakan nda kan?!
Peed your pants after age 8?:	~bowh~...
Written a song?:	~whoa.. I did?!
Sang to someone for no reason?:	~trying to annoy them? Of coz~!
Performed on a stage?:	La la la la~.. :p
Talked to someone you don't know?:	~den how do you get friendz?
Gone out of your way to befriend someone?:	hahaha~ i've been living for nearly 20 yearz~..................
Made out in a theatre?:	OMIGOSH
Gone roller skating since 8th grade?:	~.. awuah! Rinduku pulang~ all d blisterz d kaki dibuatnya *o*
Been in love?:	~..well im in luv now~ <3
* . . Who was the last person to . . *
Say HI to you?:	How am i suppose to remember?? Ubd yesterday~...
Tell you, I love you?:	~..d sweet li'l blue bunny <3>
Kiss you?:	family~.. my nini?
Hug you?:	family oso~ my aunty ysterday~
Tell you BYE?:	Was yesterday~......suhailla? Wait, wy do i av to write diz thingz anyway?
Write you a note?:	Ngalih ku eh~
Take your photo?:	Doyah bulat~!! haha~ dat one i remember~ so sakai ambil gmbar di ubd ysterday~
Call your cell phone?:	Zoel~.. :D Yay~! Kna lanja dimsum~!!
Buy you something?:	Dimsum?~
Go with you to the movies?:	SIMPSONZ~!!!! ~+Mahirah+Zoel+Ipin+Ella~...
Sing to you?:	My annoying li'l bro and sis HAHA~ love to tease me a lot~! still love them tho :D
Write a poem about you?:	Wow.....................adakah? Nda ingat aa~...
Text message you?:	Longlong <3>
Touch you?:	annoying li'l sis~ wit her annoying tone "kaka pu3 tesayang~I love u bebeh~y don u love me bebeh~?
* . . What's the last . . *
Time you laughed?:	Yesterday~ laughing at my own drawingz of Suhailla as a huge bikini elephant n her bf Zoel as a tini tiny li'l ant
Time you cried?:	I HATE YOU ZUHRI!!!!!!!!!!!!
Movie you watched?:	The Simpsonz~!! So brabez cali~!!
Joke you told?:	Im LAME~!! :P I don tell jokez~..JUz love to annoy ppl
Song you've sang?:	~"This is my now~"... Love that song!
Time you've looked at the clock?:	Juz now?
Drink you've had?:	~nescafe.. SO ADDICTED TO IT
Number you've dialed?:	Longlong~... <3
Book you've read?:	I hate bookz~ *jokin*
Food you've eaten?:	Butter prawn lasnyt~ oh heaven~!
Flavor of gum chewed?:	~... minty mentos gum :D Kimah bagi
Shoes you've worn?:	Sport shoes~ I get gauk wit it
Store you've been in?:	...somewhere in lambak msa luch ysterday~...
Thing you've said?:	"Awu~ ku bangun udah mami~!!" *o*
* . . Can You . . *
Write with both hands?:	Im only lefthanded dear~..
Whistle?:	Do i? Love to compete dat with my pet bird Manja
Blow a bubble?:	Haha~ Im sick of doin dat actually p still love to do dat evrytime i chew a gum
Roll your tounge in a circle?:	CAN U DO DAT??
Cross your eyes?:	~I juz did..
Touch your tounge to your nose?:	Are you kidding??!!
Dance?:	I suck *_*
Gleek?:	Watz dat?
Stay up a whole night without sleep?:	NEver actually~ atleast 30mins sleep ada ler msa scout dulu ngan c Mahirah di HQ
Speak a different language?:	..Japanese~.. still not fluent wit it eventho im in my 3rd year oredi~
Impersonate someone?:	wat?
Prank call people?:	Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm~heheheehehehehehe~
Make a card pyramid?:	Dat was a long time ago~!!
Cook anything?:	Garlic bread wit sunny side up egg~ slurp!
* . . Finish The Line . . *
If i were a ...:	boy~... Would thingz change?
I wish ...:	I could sort out and finish all my tasks~ N let my year go the way i wanted.....in UK........i hope..............
So many people don't know that ...:	Im actually an alien?? Yes im weird, so wat??!!
I am ...:	I am who i am, & i wan ppl to accept me the way it is
My heart is ...:	Beating?? Yeah~ im still alive~..
Take this survey Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

Dat Moran Juz Wont Change~!!!!

I've been carrying d pain too long~! How could he do diz to me?! WHY? WHY? WHY?
Is it bcoz dat he was born for me to hate? Itz been yearz evasince the last tym i saw him~ & he'z still the same??? Wat the hell???????????????????????????????!!!!!

Wow~ i cant believe this kind of guy actually exist in diz world i noe~ & he's still alive?? We are no longer kidz 4 godz sake!!!! Watz wrong wit him? Wat is he?? What wuz I thinking??? "Trying to sort things way in a better way~"

So, WAT? ENEMIES FOR LIFE?! - i guess so~

~ I thought~ now dat we've grown~ we could be friends~ I WAS WRONG!! How long has it been~? Since I was 12?? DAT LONG??~ LLllloong story~ oh well~ at least his existance made my life more interesting~ yah, so non other den d one & only~..................................................

Get off my life~

*sick*

Whoa~ Capers~!!

Umm~ Wen was dat ah~? Last Saturday? Yah - 28 July~ Went to PTEB~ Equinox lunch invitation~ p it wuz too late~ "WHAT??!" Diana said i should have come an hour early as planned~ so i wuz given d wrong info? Oh well~.. i wuznt hungry anyway~! Mahirah & Amir wuz at school too~ pissed off? "Why are we here???!!!!!"

Trus ke ubd ngan Mahirah~ musim registration dat time~ Not much~ Met arief, Daus n their frenz oso~ *talk*talk*talk* Afta dat, sampat krmh Longlong jua :P heheh~ surprise visit!! His parentz da dalam~ aiyo~nervous tah jua aku ah~ Miss d old dayz eh wen me&Longlong were still frenz - slalu hangout di rmhnya~ Wy cant i do dat now? Becoz we're together? Ykah?.

Dat nite, ada gathering di Caperz wit some of the ptebianz~ actually itz a farewell dinner for Longlong.. :( Oh he's going to Florida diz 15th Aug~Man im gonna miss em!!

Nywy, Caperz~ tot it wuz expensive, but it sure worth it~!! Aiya~I should av eaten more!!

Love d pizza~seriously~ :P~

Wow~ i wonder wen was the last time we hang out like diz~ i miss the otherz so much~!!

~... thatz all?

*sad*~...

Picture Taking Sakai-ness

Fuh~.. Communication breakdown aiyaya~.. Ujan ribut saja msa ni~ sampai our telepon line putus - Wuz hard few dayz ago~ tepon rusak - wireless nda dapat ~ *sigh* Den~ Kedit mobile abez~ & my wallet so karing~ *sigh* Yah~ wat happened outside i donno~

bored~

Lifeless~..

Nuthin~ Nuthin~ Nuthin~!!

Aah~my dad bought a new camera~ :P Haha~ Imagine my sakai-ness~!!

Around my garden~ :P

Around my house~ :P